The Cost of Comparison

Hi! I’m Hannah.

I founded Piccadilly Creative because I believe in the brilliance of women & I want to see their voices elevated and stories told… loud & clear.

If you’re comparing yourself to someone else, you’re not truly loving them.

When I was 10 I wished I was tall like she was.

When I was 15 I wished I could talk to boys like she did.

When I was 20 I wished I had the answer in class like she did

When I was 25 I wished I had the relationship she had

When I was 30 I wished I was having a baby like she was.

When I was 35 I wished I fit in like she did

When I was 40 I wished I had the business she did.

When I was 44 well… it’s still hard sometimes.

More often then I’d like to admit I find the sneaky voice of comparison creeping in. If only I had ___, if only I was more like her____ if only, if only, if only…

They say comparison is the thief of joy and it’s true. It robs you of perspective. It robs you of peace. Most of all, it robs you of purpose.

Comparison turns what you have and who you are into not enough. Instead of cultivating gratitude, comparison cultivates envy. When envy has a foothold in your life it steals your vision for what is for you and makes you question your belonging and place in the world. It sidelines you and your purpose.

While no one is immune to the deception of comparison, I think it is a trap that is especially laid for women. In our society today, we still find culture pitting women against each other. We’re made to feel like there’s not enough seats at the table for us all. As if there’s only room for one woman in the room. As if he’s the only man in the world. I may love Brandy and Monica’s song the “Boy is Mine” and frankly Beyonce’s version of “Jolene” is a next level, but I’m not buying into the toxicity of playing women against each other. If he’s wandering… let👏🏼him👏🏼go👏🏼 (but that’s another post for another time)

To me, comparison is the epitome of lack mindset. It says that because she is beautiful, smart, promoted… then I must not or cannot be.

That’s absolutely not the truth.

Abundance says, there is enough room for us all. Not only that, but when she succeeds so do I.

When we recognize that there is beauty and value in our differences we set ourselves free to pursue our own unique purpose. Gratitude for who we are and what we have opens a wide door to possibilities.

My wonderful pastor, DawnChere shared a message a few weeks back and it’s has stayed close in my heart. It was all about 1 Corinthians 13. If you’ve ever been to a wedding you’re probably familiar with this chapter. It’s a long list of what love is and is not.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy…”

That’s when it hit me. I could probably quote this verse verbatim, as I’ve heard it so many times since childhood, but never once had I stopped at the word envy.

She went on to say, “If you’re comparing yourself to someone else, you’re not truly loving them.”

That’s when the floor fell out for me. I’d never thought of it that way before.

Yes, I’d fought through comparison... Yes, I’ve made decisions to intentionally cheer other women on (sometimes or even especially when I felt comparison creep up), but if I’d really thought about it, I probably would have said, if not to you then to myself, I’m not really hurting anyone but myself. .

The realization that my little comparisons and my secret envy was keeping me from truly loving her, rocked me. In that moment, I realized the true cost of comparison.

Not only had comparison robbed my joy and made me question my own belonging, but it had kept me from truly loving those around me.

If I’m busy comparing myself to her, I don’t have time to love her.

If that’s the case, I’ve missed the whole point.

That’s the cost of comparison… plain and simple.

A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it, it just blooms. - Zen Shin

So what do you do if you’ve found yourself in that trap?

I don’t pretend to have all the answers and I still fight through this battle myself, but this is what I’ve learned to do.

I go on the offensive.

On the offensive? What does that mean?

When I find myself focused on my own shortcomings. I choose to focus on and affirm the good I see in others.

When I feel unlovely, I call out the beauty in others.

When I feel like I don’t belong, I reach out to make sure someone else knows that they belong.

When I want someone else to say I see you, I say “There YOU are.”

I have found that this practice breaks the cycle. When I make the intentional decision not to compare but rather to affirm and cheer on those around me envy loses its power.

Plus, life just gets way more fun.

Cheering you on always friend.

XO, Hannah